


No Race, Only Runners

by sophiahelix



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: 2018 Olympic Season, Edging, M/M, Orgasm Control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-17 10:35:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13657245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophiahelix/pseuds/sophiahelix
Summary: Javi opens his eyes and glances down at Yuzu’s pajama pants, raising his eyebrows briefly. “You sure?”“Yeah,” Yuzu says. He touches Javi then, fingers brushing over his cheek. “I want to give this, best try.”“Well, let me know if it works,” Javi says, and lets out a deep, contented sigh before closing his eyes again.Yuzu doesn't say what he's thinking, because it would come out sounding mean; that this wouldn’t work for Javi because that's not how Javi is. He does his best when he's balanced, work and rest, fun and focus. Yuzu just happens to think his own best is better.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So the morning after I thought it would be interesting to write something about Yuzu controlling his orgasms to increase his competitive edge, I got an anon ask on Tumblr suggesting a “No Nut November for Yuzu/Javi,” which seemed serendipitous.
> 
> I’ve been slowly working on this story since early December, and when it was clear I wouldn’t finish it far enough ahead of the Olympics to not immediately have it be contradicted by the real-life podium results, I decided I’d finish after. So I’ll be posting the three chapters I have this week, and the ending will be decided by what actually happens in the Olympic event (with the final chapter hopefully going up next week). 
> 
> Thanks to someitems for discussing the story as I wrote it, and to shdwsilk for beta and helpful thoughts about the story’s direction.

It's difficult telling Javi, the first night they spend together when Yuzu gets back from Japan. They're on the couch having dinner, Yuzu’s bad ankle propped on the table and Javi’s arm over his shoulders, and then Javi puts down the remote and turns to press a kiss to the side of Yuzu’s neck, rubbing his face against the curve of it. The scrape of his stubble sends a sudden thrill through Yuzu, and so does the way Javi lays his hand on Yuzu’s chest, sliding down to pull up the hem of his shirt.

“Javi,” Yuzu says, trying to get a hold on himself, before this gets out of control. He puts his hand over Javi’s, closing around his fingers.

“Mm, yeah?” Javi murmurs, kissing him again. He pushes under Yuzu’s shirt, his hand warm and broad as he strokes Yuzu’s stomach, and his little finger nudges the waistband of Yuzu’s track pants.

Yuzu lets out a breath, his hips rising just a little, irresistibly, and then he grasps Javi’s hand more firmly. “Um. Specialist I’m seeing at home, he suggest I try a new thing. Help — focus my energy, for competition.”

“A new thing, huh?” Javi asks, and he gets up a little more, kissing Yuzu’s ear. “Like what?”

Yuzu tips his head back, turning his shoulders completely away from Javi. He puts his other hand on Javi’s chest, trying to look serious but loving at once as he holds him back. “He say, no sex. I mean, no finishing.”

Javi frowns, disbelieving. “Really? For how long?”

“He say, try for November,” Yuzu says. “But maybe, I try until Nationals. Or maybe longer.”

“Huh,” Javi says, and Yuzu can feel something cooling between them, like a fire going out. Javi turns back the way he was, taking his arm off Yuzu’s shoulders, and reaches for his dinner plate, looking at the TV. “Well, whatever works for you.”

Yuzu reaches over and takes Javi’s hand. Javi squeezes back, but lets go to eat.

They watch TV in silence for a while. Yuzu feels bad for not saying anything before. Maybe Javi wouldn't have asked him over, if he knew. As it gets later, he keeps an eye on the clock, thinking he’ll have to make a move to leave soon. He usually stays over, but he guesses it'll be different tonight.

At ten, though, Javi yawns and asks, “You want the bathroom first?”

“Oh,” Yuzu says. “You still wanting me to stay?”

Javi gives him a look, like he's being ridiculous. “Of course. What kind of person do you think I am?” He leans in, then pauses. “Is kissing OK? We already…”

It's true, they kissed when they saw each other at the club yesterday, quick but sweet in the locker room as they passed each other, Javi leaving practice and Yuzu getting ready for it. And they kissed a little when Yuzu first got here, too; Javi pressed up against the door and Yuzu laughing against his mouth, before they ordered dinner.

Yuzu sighs. “Specialist saying…don't finish. But I’m thinking, maybe other things OK? If they aren't taking my energy.”

Warmth comes into Javi’s eyes, and his gaze flicks over Yuzu’s body, up and down. He smiles, sly. “Other things?”

Yuzu lifts his chin, looking directly at him. “Like maybe, I blow you.”

Javi laughs, soft and startled, and Yuzu gets up, reaching out a hand. Javi takes it.

He didn't know how it would be, having one-sided sex like this. It feels good to have his mouth on Javi again, though, and in the bedroom he focuses on the way Javi holds his head, fingers sliding through his hair, legs shifting by his shoulders as Javi breathes hard, moaning. Yuzu goes slow, working Javi up, taking his time, until Javi finally pulls his hair and mutters, “come on, give it to me, please.”

Yuzu keeps licking, just to show he can, and finally sucks steady and strong, until Javi comes in his mouth. He moves up after, wiping his face with the back of his hand. He wants to reach out and touch Javi now, rest a hand on his bare chest, but it feels like he needs to give himself a little space first. He's hard, because he loves going down on Javi, but it's not urgent. The desire will fade.

Javi opens his eyes and glances down at Yuzu’s pajama pants, raising his eyebrows briefly. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” Yuzu says. He touches Javi then, fingers brushing over his cheek. “I want to give this, best try.”

“Well, let me know if it works,” Javi says, and lets out a deep, contented sigh before closing his eyes again.

Yuzu doesn't say what he's thinking, because it would come out sounding mean; that this wouldn’t work for Javi because that's not how Javi is. He does his best when he's balanced, work and rest, fun and focus. Yuzu just happens to think his own best is better.

They do it a few more times as November passes by, and it gets easier. Yuzu’s hardly even thinking about sex these days, working at his rehab and hoping to get back on the ice soon. Blowing Javi before bed is fun, but it's just another part of his day. Javi will be gone most of December, and it will be even easier then, with no distractions. 

He doesn't like thinking of their relationship like that, and usually it isn't, but maybe the specialist was right. Maybe it was pulling his focus during the season, wasting his energy. Maybe he's better this way, living like a monk from ancient times, everything going towards the work.

Still. It's not like he doesn't miss giving himself over, getting lost in being together, especially when they're kissing in bed in the morning with Javi so warm against him, strong legs tangled with his and Javi’s hand smoothing his hair. Yuzu can feel the heat of desire then, a flame that grows between them, and he holds his breath and kisses back, pushing himself through it. This is supposed to feel like a sacrifice, he thinks.

And it is, and he knows that Javi knows it, and maybe it's a sacrifice for him too, taking without giving. That's not Javi’s way. But he only kisses Yuzu, touching his face, knee pressed high between his thighs, and Yuzu thinks they could just stay like this forever, still and warm and perfectly balanced.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Considerably more explicit from here! Next chapter Thursday.

It has to be driving Yuzu crazy, Javi thinks, packing his bags in Madrid. _Still ‘saving your energy’?_ he texted this morning, and Yuzu answered, _yes_.

 _More easy without me there to tempt you, right_ , Javi sent back, and there was a longer pause. But _you think you so great_ was all Yuzu said.

And fine, he does thinks Yuzu misses him, and the way they are together. This season’s been weird from the start, and having Yuzu come back from Japan only to not be allowed to touch him has made it harder. Javi's still getting his, but somehow it's almost worse that way. Maybe he should be holding out too, so they're doing it together.

He doesn't see Yuzu for a day or so when he gets back from Spain, their practice schedules and his jet lag making them miss each other at the rink. Yuzu comes over the next night, though, and Javi can hardly keep his hands to himself, serving up dinner and getting settled on the couch. He turns to Yuzu, meaning just to give him a friendly peck hello, and finds Yuzu already looking at him, their faces close together.

“Hi,” Yuzu breathes.

Javi kisses him. He can't help it; there's nothing else to be done. Yuzu kisses back, his mouth soft and hot, his hands cupping Javi’s face. Javi sighs when Yuzu kisses him harder, tongue slipping in against his, and then Yuzu shifts his weight forward until Javi lies back against the arm of the couch, pulling Yuzu on top of him.

This feels right, the way it used to be. Yuzu straddles Javi’s leg, grinding down against him, all his focus on kissing Javi deep and thorough. It makes Javi smile, running his hands through Yuzu’s silky hair, until he's laughing between kisses, purely happy.

Yuzu stops, breathing hard. “What?”

“So much for saving your energy,” Javi says, leaning up to kiss him again. “I knew that you couldn't resist me forever.”

He feels Yuzu go tense, pushing himself up his hands. “I'm saving still,” Yuzu says, frowning. “This just…”

“An accident?” Javi asks, still smiling. He slides his hands down to Yuzu’s ass, holding him steady, and rocks his hips up against him. He can feel how hard Yuzu is. “The heat of the moment?”

Yuzu makes a face, but his cheeks are still flushed and he doesn't pull away. He narrows his eyes, looking down at Javi. “It’s — _exception_. Maybe…you wanna fuck me?”

Javi’s eyebrows shoot up, and his mouth drops open a little. Yuzu almost never wants to fuck during the season. Javi doesn't really care how they do it, sex is still sex, but the rarity makes this even more appealing.

“Or maybe you saving too, now,” Yuzu says, dryly.

Javi just pulls him down into a crushing kiss, hands tight in his hair.

They go into the bedroom, dinner forgotten. Yuzu strips as he walks, tossing his shirt on the floor. Javi puts his arms around Yuzu and pulls him in, pressing his chest to Yuzu’s bare back. Yuzu cranes around to kiss Javi some more, tugging his face closer with one hand, then steps away to take off the rest of his clothes.

Yuzu’s on the bed by the time Javi gets undressed, already slicking up his fingers with lube from the drawer. Javi watches as Yuzu draws up his knees, spreading his solid, muscled thighs. Yuzu reaches down to touch himself, and Javi gets onto the bed next to him, putting his arm around Yuzu’s middle and kissing him again.

“How do you want to be?” Javi murmurs. He strokes his palm flat over Yuzu’s smooth, bare chest, thumb brushing his nipple.

Yuzu groans against Javi’s mouth, bucking his hips into his own hand, moving slickly in and out now. He reaches up to clasp the back of Javi’s neck, his teeth closing over Javi’s lower lip, and then pulls back, considering. “Like this. On my knees — maybe too good. I don't want to finish.”

Javi laughs softly, and then kisses Yuzu once more before getting up to find the lube. “Do you need more time?” he asks, nodding at Yuzu.

Yuzu shakes his head, lifting his hips again, and lets his legs fall wider apart. He moves his hand up, closing over his cock to give himself just one tight stroke. It still makes him moan, his eyes fluttering shut, and Javi grins as he kneels up between Yuzu’s legs, stroking himself slick.

“When was the last time you did that,” he murmurs, leaning forward to nuzzle Yuzu’s neck. He plants his hands on the bed, sliding under Yuzu’s arms and shoulders. 

“A while,” Yuzu says, and then puts his hands on Javi’s face, turning him roughly into another kiss.

“Mm, and is it working?” Javi says, shifting to press against Yuzu. He smiles at the sound Yuzu makes when they touch, a strangled gasp like he’s trying to hold it in. Javi rubs against him, teasing, and Yuzu’s fingers bite into the back of Javi’s neck.

“Stop talking and fuck me,” Yuzu says, breathless.

“OK,” Javi says, with a laugh.

He remembers the last time they did this perfectly — a hot day in August, a canceled practice, too many beers. Yuzu was loose and laughing then, coming easily, once over Javi’s hand and then again when Javi fucked him on his knees from behind. It was the kind of day that made Javi think about the future, when they could share an apartment and a life, when sex wouldn’t have to be as scheduled as everything else.

Now Yuzu’s so tight, both his body around Javi’s cock and the way he’s looking up, his expression serious like he’s concentrating hard. Javi’s focused too, making sure he doesn’t go too fast, that he’s doing it the way Yuzu wants. He has the sense of getting away with something — an _exception_ , Yuzu said, something they’re not really supposed to be doing. 

That’s how it was when they first got together, more than two years ago now; the sense that they might get caught, that someone would tell them it was a bad idea, that the world would know and everything would go to hell.

The world still doesn’t know. People in their lives do, though Javi doesn’t know exactly who. He hasn’t told anyone outright, but he’s sensed the change, and he's relaxed into this, the idea that it’s something he can have. When he thinks about what’s ahead of them he feels excited and happy, hopeful.

But there was something about those early days, too; hooking up in hotel rooms or his old apartment, always desperate and hurried like someone would find out. Javi hadn’t known how badly he wanted Yuzu until he had him, and then it was like an aching need all the time, sparking into wildfire whenever they were alone together. 

It feels like that now. His breath is so tight in his chest, and every stroke is sweeter than the last, working deep inside. Yuzu’s hands are restless on Javi’s shoulders, scratching over the back of his neck, and Javi keeps his eyes on Yuzu’s face, watching his dark eyes and full lips, parted as he breathes hard. It seems like forever since they’ve been like this in bed, both of them feeling good.

“I missed you,” Javi whispers, and he doesn't just mean while he was away.

Yuzu looks up, lush mouth still open, and lifts his head for a brief, hard kiss.

Javi shifts until he’s sitting up, his knees tucked alongside Yuzu’s hips, and leans in to put Yuzu’s heels on his shoulders. He doesn’t have as much leverage in this position, and all he can do is rock in smooth and shallow, grinding his hips down. 

Yuzu curses, softly, in Japanese. He tips his head back, neck arched, and finally closes his eyes, his body tensing even more. Javi looks down to where Yuzu’s cock is hard and straining, with a deep red flush that goes all the way up to his chest, until even his nipples are pink. He moans when Javi changes his rhythm, hitching in short and fast, and pulls roughly at Javi’s neck.

“Don’t,” Yuzu gasps, tossing his head to the side.

Javi slows down, but Yuzu’s grip doesn’t loosen. His chest rises and falls heavily with his panting breath, and he brings up his other hand to clutch at the pillow, knuckles turning white. He bites his lip on a fierce moan when Javi rocks in again, and Javi can feel how close he's getting. Yuzu’s always been able to come easily like this, and Javi wants nothing more than to get him there.

But this is Yuzu's choice. 

“Do you want me to stop,” Javi asks, quietly. 

Yuzu shakes his head, eyes still clenched shut. “Go faster.”

Javi isn’t sure what it is Yuzu wants, to push himself more or for this to be over already. “Do you want me to finish?”

After a pause Yuzu nods, taking a shaky breath. “Do it. Come inside me.”

Fuck, _fuck_ , the fire is roaring through Javi now, and he can’t stop. His fingers curl in the sheets and he shifts his hips back, getting up on his knees to give himself more space to move. He fucks in hard, with rough pounding thrusts, and comes fast, groaning loudly with his release. Yuzu cries out twice, sharp, but he just holds Javi tighter with his hands and powerful thighs, that tension in his body never letting go.

Javi finds Yuzu’s mouth with his, both of them breathing fast as they meet in a sloppy kiss. Yuzu’s arms go around his shoulders, pulling him close. Javi’s heart is beating hard, and he can feel how desperate Yuzu is, wound up with no place to go. Slowly the moment eases, and Javi kisses him softer, lingering, before letting out a sigh and rolling over to the side. He stretches out, legs straightening and arms over his head, then opens his eyes and turns his head.

Yuzu is a gorgeous _mess_. Eyes closed, lips ruddy, and that flush still on his chest, the sheen of sweat everywhere. His hair falls almost in his eyes and he’s still panting, fingers clenched in the sheets at his side. One knee is pulled up, but Javi can see how hard he is, and he thinks maybe Yuzu’s trying to keep his hands off himself, resisting.

All Javi wants to do is roll over and take him in his mouth, giving him the release he so clearly needs, but he knows that’s not what Yuzu wants.

Instead he reaches out to touch Yuzu’s face, knuckles brushing over his cheek. Yuzu starts, opening his eyes, and lets out a sigh before closing them again. Javi just caresses him, gentling him down, until Yuzu sighs once more, deep and content.

Javi moves closer, resting their heads together. He wants to say _thank you_ , because he knows this was hard, but he doesn't exactly think Yuzu did it for him. There's always so much going on in Yuzu’s head that he can't see.

“That was what you wanted?” Javi asks, his voice low. “It was good?”

Yuzu nods. “It was what I wanted.”

Javi presses a kiss against his temple. “Good.” He rolls over, reaching for a pair of pajama pants on the floor. “Can't wait for Korea,” he mutters to himself, pulling them on.

“Javi,” Yuzu says, from behind him. 

He looks back over his shoulder to see Yuzu still lying there, watching him. Yuzu’s eyes are open now and he looks calmer than before, but his eyes are bright, his gaze intense. 

“We can do again, if you want,” Yuzu says. “Before Korea. I just can’t…” He gestures. 

Javi pauses for a moment, thinking. He doesn’t know if Yuzu’s offering for his sake, or for his own. Maybe both. He’s not sure how he feels about it being like this — Yuzu holding out to show how strong he is, or push himself, or whatever — but in a way it’s no different than before. Things between them have always been defined by Yuzu’s limits, Yuzu’s needs.

“Sure,” Javi says at last, shrugging. He smiles. “I’m not going to say no.”

He leans in and kisses Yuzu’s face again, and then he goes into the living room to clear away the dinner.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third chapter, and the last one for a while. Good luck to the guys tonight (and here’s hoping the results make for a good final chapter next week).

They leave for Korea in two days. Yuzu’s not going to make it.

Sex has never really been important to him before. He likes it a lot, and he likes being close to Javi, and most of all he’s always liked how easy it was between them, something separate from everything else. Usually just a late night or early morning in bed, a release as much as a connection, but he never realized what it meant to be able to retreat from the world like that, together.

Now he’s on edge, all the time. His rehab has gone well, and even though he's only been jumping again for a few weeks it feels like he’s back to where he used to be. He’s skating as well as he ever has, and he’s focused and ready, just like he wanted. This worked. He hasn't wasted his energy, diverted into something that didn't matter as much as skating does. 

He still can’t help feeling like he’s given up more than he meant to.

He can’t keep his eyes off Javi, either. They don’t spend that much time together — practicing completely apart now, Yuzu’s physical therapy overlapping with Javi’s endurance training — and he’s only stayed over a few times. He feels an aching hunger whenever he sees Javi, though, gaze drawn to the lines of his body in motion, and when they’re alone it’s his hands he can’t keep to himself. It’s like this has heightened everything; his desire, their connection. Yuzu spent years holding back, telling himself this would only be a distraction, but it’s never really felt like one until now. 

He’s let Javi fuck him twice more, and it’s been harder to hold out each time. That was the point — he wants to push himself. See how close to the edge he can get.

It feels absurd, though, to have this one thing suddenly matter so much. There were times, before Javi, when he was so focused on his training he didn’t even think about touching himself for weeks, falling into bed exhausted each night. Control and perfection, the only things he asks of his body. 

And now losing that is all he can think about, as he rides the subway home after practice. Letting the rocking rhythm of Javi’s body carry him away, Javi holding him tight as he lets himself go. It’s an itch, an ache, a rising consciousness of need. Yuzu bites his lip and grasps the train strap a little tighter, trying not to feel the clacking pound of the tracks beneath his feet. Everything stimulates him these days. 

He should go home, but he doesn’t.

“Hi,” Javi says, surprised, as he opens the door. 

Yuzu doesn’t even smile, just steps inside and closes the door behind him, locking it. Javi’s own grin falters, and he tilts his head forward in concern. “Is everything — ” he asks, before Yuzu cuts him off with a long, hard kiss, hands fisted in his shirt.

“Fuck me,” Yuzu mutters, against Javi’s mouth.

“OK,” Javi says, with a breathless laugh. He cups Yuzu’s face with his hands, kissing him back.

In the bedroom, Yuzu moves quickly, stripping down. He doesn’t let Javi do more than take off his pants before pushing him onto the bed, climbing on top with the lube in his hand. Javi stares up, holding Yuzu’s hips, as Yuzu gets himself ready, faster than he should. He can’t hold back, though, can’t resist this tide of desire, and he chases it, pressing his knees against Javi’s sides as he lowers himself down. 

“Hey, _easy_ ,” Javi says, as Yuzu winces, biting his lip hard. It’s too soon, too much, but he pushes through it anyway, sliding his hands up under Javi’s shirt to lie flat on his chest. It feels good to touch him, and Yuzu focuses on that as he rocks his body, adjusting. 

Javi strokes Yuzu’s hips with his thumbs. “You OK?”

“Yeah,” Yuzu says, lifting up, and then winces again. He didn’t use enough lube. He wants this, though; Javi stretching him, filling him up, and the solid strength of Javi’s body beneath him. Yuzu smooths his hands over Javi’s chest and belly in broad circles, feeling the firm rise of muscle and bone, the softness of his skin. Javi seems suddenly precious somehow, just the sheer physical reality of him.

“Precioso,” Javi says, like he can read Yuzu’s mind, and reaches up to cradle Yuzu’s jaw, thumb resting on his lower lip. “Come on, don't hurt yourself. Let me — ” he says, and stops, like he’s trying to do the right thing, letting Yuzu take the lead instead.

Yuzu wants that suddenly, though; for Javi to take care of him. To let go. Just for now, with the late afternoon light streaming into Javi’s cluttered bedroom, a weak winter sun that still warms them both, bright across Javi’s face between lines of shadow. 

He moves back off and crawls onto the bed, getting up on his hands and knees. They haven’t done it this way lately, because he hasn’t trusted himself, but he wants it to be harder now, more challenging. They leave in two days. Two days.

His heart is pounding in his ears as he positions himself, head hanging down. Javi gets up behind, taking hold of Yuzu’s hips as his cock presses against him, and Yuzu can't hold back a moan as Javi slides back inside. This has always been his favorite, holding steady as Javi moves, their bodies working together. 

Now Javi goes slow, opening him up, and it’s all too much. Some quirk of anatomy makes it so Yuzu comes faster this way than anything else, with a deep intensity that will leave him shaking all over as Javi finishes. Tonight can’t be like that, though, and he clenches his jaw and groans, trying to hold out. 

“Oh, fuck, Yuzu,” Javi gasps, pulling out and shoving back in again, harder. He likes it this way too. 

He's going faster now, and Yuzu can hardly stand it. The pounding slap of Javi’s hips against him, and the pressure and sensation of him inside, where Yuzu’s still so tight. He groans again, more desperately than he means to, pushing his face against the bed as the intensity builds.

Javi stops, panting.

He caresses Yuzu’s hips and then turns him onto his back, gentle but firm. The sunlight flashes in Yuzu’s eyes as he settles himself, lying on the pillow, drawing his legs up and letting his knees fall apart as Javi takes off his own shirt and throws it on the floor. Yuzu turns his head away and drops his arm over his eyes, waiting.

Javi doesn’t move back inside him, though. Instead he kisses the inside of Yuzu’s thighs, moving down, stroking with his fingertips. Yuzu lets out a groan, feeling the warmth of Javi’s soft mouth and the almost painful scratch of his short stubble, a intense pleasure just this side of too much.

“Javi,” Yuzu breathes, putting a hand on his head.

“I’ll take care of you,” Javi says, low, mouth against the crease of his hip now. “I promise. I won’t go too far.” He lifts his head and presses a kiss against the tip of Yuzu’s cock, which surges to full hardness with a frisson of arousal that goes straight down Yuzu’s spine, making him arch up. “Please, let me take care of you,” Javi whispers.

He sounds like he already knows Yuzu’s answer, and it’s true, Yuzu’s fingers are tight in his hair, keeping him close. Yuzu takes a few gasping breaths, his head tilted to the ceiling, and nods. “OK,” he sighs. “OK.”

It’s always so much at the start. Before he’s gotten used to the hot wet suck of Javi’s mouth, the undulating pressure of Javi’s tongue, Javi’s hands curving around his thighs. It’s so intimate, Javi’s head moving between his legs, and it’s been such a long time since they did this. Yuzu pulls Javi’s hair and moans, the pleasure building faster than he can control.

Javi stops. Moves back and kisses Yuzu’s inner thigh softly, letting him catch his breath. Asks, “all right?” before he moves in again, his lips closing around Yuzu’s cock.

It takes twice more before Yuzu grasps what’s happening here. Javi’s pushing him, the way Yuzu’s been doing to himself for months, challenging him to take on more. He feels Javi’s fingertips again, tracing lower, and he gasps softly when Javi pushes a finger inside, where he’s still slicked up. Javi waits, though, letting Yuzu’s breath slow before he moves, always giving just as much as Yuzu can take.

“Let me,” Javi murmurs, caressing him.

“Oh,” Yuzu sighs, the tension in his body easing a little. He’s not relaxed, but he’s giving up control; not the way he yearns to but as close as he can get. Javi’s taking it on, taking care of him, like he promised.

It’s still as difficult as anything to let Javi do this. To trust that Javi will take him as far as he can go, will stop when he needs it. Yuzu keeps his eyes shut and one hand on the back of Javi’s head, the other fisted tight in the pillow above him, and he's breathing so hard it seems like he's nothing but air and heat and this feeling, huge and unnameable.

He gives it up, gives in, gives it over.

Yuzu realizes he's gasping Javi’s name, his throat raw. His fingers are twisted in Javi’s hair, pulling so hard it must hurt, but Javi doesn't move away. Yuzu lets out a sharp cry, almost slipping over the edge, and Javi stops again, lifting his head to catch his breath.

“Enough?” Javi asks, roughly. 

Yuzu opens his eyes. Javi’s face is flushed, his eyes bright beneath his dark brows, and he looks as hungry as Yuzu’s felt for months now. Like all he wants is to give Yuzu this, taking him all the way.

Yuzu wants that, too. He wants to win even more. 

“Again,” he says.

Javi does it, for him. Yuzu knows that now. It doesn't last long, because Yuzu can't anymore; he takes three gasping, desperate breaths and then arches back, pushing Javi’s head away as the dangerous ecstasy builds too sharp and close. Javi rests his forehead against Yuzu’s leg, and Yuzu can tell, dimly, that he's panting too, as if he wanted this as much as Yuzu does.

It feels like a long time before Javi moves up to lie next to him, sharing the pillow with his arm resting across Yuzu’s chest, heavy and secure. They're both still breathing hard, and Yuzu's ears are ringing, a prickling tension going all through him. He wants the comforting warmth of Javi’s presence now, though, in a different way than what his body was just yearning for. He can smell the sweat of Javi’s underarm, feel the compact power of his body, his soft breath against Yuzu’s neck, and somehow all that seems to mean more than anything.

“Amor,” Javi whispers, in his ear.

Yuzu waits, but he doesn't say anything else. Javi’s breath slows, evening out, and Yuzu can tell he's falling asleep. He doesn't really know much about Javi’s training program, but he knows Javi’s working hard, tired all the time. He's giving everything he has to this.

It isn't until Yuzu’s drifting off himself, the tension in his body eased but not gone, that he realizes Javi didn't finish either.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who’s been patiently waiting for this last chapter! It took some extra time to get it right; thanks to someitems and shdwsilk for talking it through with me.
> 
> In the meantime, Yuzu gave this quote which nicely sums up the thesis of this story, so thanks for that, dude:
> 
> _“I’m someone who wants every bit of happiness out in the world. But I realized I can’t have certain things without sacrificing others. I have really intense highs and lows. After experiencing the recent low, I just thought, “Let’s just throw all of my happiness away for the Olympic consecutive title.” I left every little thing behind that makes me happy. This made me be able to reduce my emotions heading into the Olympics to this size.”_

It's like a dream that doesn’t end. Sometimes things are clear — the clean weight of his breath in his chest before he starts his free skate, the bright joy of hearing his score, the noise of the crowd during the victory ceremony — but Javi feels somehow still and strange as he moves through that long, unreal day. Yuzu touches him again and again, in his arms or leaning against him, and Javi smiles at his tears and keeps his own head up, wondering at the world around him, taking it in.

A thousand people lay claim to them. Media, photographers, officials, fans; their coaches, families, friends. The afternoon passes into evening, and Javi smiles for another picture, answers another question. It's like being on the ice all the time, a heightened version of himself, a performance that feels real because it's true.

Darkness, medals. The flashing lights of more cameras, more questions, more smiles. Javi feels the love so strongly, a friendly encircling warmth around him, and in a way he never wants it to end, this final stretch of his journey. 

Then he turns and catches Yuzu’s fond, smiling gaze, steady on him.

The evening is long, and Javi doesn't hurry through it. Dinner with his family, drinks, laughter. More love. There's still the low, burning warmth of knowing what's to come, what's ahead. The circle closing at last.

Late, leaving, he takes out his phone. _I'm on my way_. Yuzu sends back a red heart.

His badge gets him into Yuzu’s building, probably because Yuzu arranged it for him. It's late enough that there's no press outside and the halls are empty, and the feeling of unreality he’s had all day intensifies, like he's floating through a vision. Javi counts down the numbers and knocks on Yuzu’s door.

Everything stops, for just a moment, when Yuzu opens it. Javi’s breath, his pulse, the slight flicker of the lights above. Yuzu’s smiling, not the fierce triumphant grin he kept breaking into all day but something soft and tremulous and sincere, with his whole self in in his eyes, like he's offering Javi the world.

Javi steps forward, raising a hand to cup Yuzu’s face, and takes it.

They can't stop laughing, between kisses. It's as if all the giddy emotion of the day bubbles up at once, breaking through, a rushing fountain between them. Yuzu shuts the door and pushes Javi back against it, holding him there, pressing kiss after warm, laughing kiss to his mouth. “You did it,” he gasps, hands restless over Javi’s shoulders and throat. “We did it, it really happen.”

“I know,” Javi breathes, and catches hold of Yuzu’s shoulders, holding him tight for a hard kiss until they break apart again, still laughing in disbelief.

He's not going to think about silver now, or a doubled sal, or the resolution of their rivalry. This is all he knows, the heat and strength of Yuzu’s body against his, the burgeoning potential of the night ahead and the joy they share. The impossibility of what they did, separate but always somehow together. 

And what Yuzu needs from him now, and what he's giving back. Yuzu moves his hips, rocking and restless, and Javi kisses him harder again, sliding his hands down to pull Yuzu close, sharply. Yuzu groans, opening his mouth to slip his tongue against Javi’s, hot and slick, and they kiss like that until Javi turns away, breathing in his ear.

“I love you,” Javi whispers, his throat tight. Yuzu doesn't often say it back, and he doesn't now, but he holds Javi close, burying his face against the curve of Javi’s neck. Javi feels the warm pressure of his mouth, the shaky flutter of his breath.

They cross the room together, breathless laughter simmering to soft murmurs, kissing and touching as they undress each other. Javi leans down to kiss over Yuzu’s heart, reverent, and smooths his hands up the broad muscles of his bare back. Yuzu holds Javi’s shoulders as he goes to his knees. 

Javi puts his arms around Yuzu’s waist, looking up. “What do you want?”

Yuzu shakes his head, hair just brushing his eyes. His face is half shadowed, in the dim light of the bedside lamp, and he reaches to cradle Javi’s head. “You give me so much. You choose.”

Javi rests his forehead against Yuzu’s bare stomach, breathing hard as he thinks, desire racing through him. He lifts his head again. “Everything. You.”

Yuzu laughs, as Javi gets to his feet. “That's not a good answer.”

“All right,” Javi says, and pulls him in. “I want to make you come so hard,” he murmurs, between kisses. “I want to fuck you until you come, for me. Want to watch you let yourself have it. Let me be good to you, cariño.”

He feels Yuzu shudder in his arms, all slender wildness, and then Yuzu draws back, eyes downcast and his full lips parted, nodding. He looks like he did when he opened the door, quiet and vulnerable, like he's giving himself over already, and Javi’s throat goes tight again, seeing him that way.

Then Yuzu lifts his head, opening his eyes, and Javi sees the fire come into them, the determination that's always there. “I think of this moment. I thinking — after everything finish, I want this, with you. No matter what happen.”

He leans in again, fingers tight on Javi’s jaw as he kisses him fiercely, with biting pulls of his mouth. They finish undressing, tumbling onto the bed. Javi grunts with the impact of it, stretching his sore hamstring, but Yuzu is beneath him with his mouth on Javi’s throat, hands sliding along his body with hungry, graceful desire. He knows Yuzu must be just as tired as him, a heavy sinking exhaustion, but still they kiss and touch, shifting against each other. 

This feels right, better than it has in months, working for something together. Tonight Yuzu won't hold him at bay, keeping himself apart, marking the difference between them. He can make Yuzu moan, make him come, and Yuzu will stay with him, open and present and alive.

Javi reaches out, hand sweeping the bedside table. “I want to get you ready,” he says, sucking hard against Yuzu’s neck until he whimpers, nails biting into Javi’s shoulder.

Sometimes Yuzu likes to do this himself, and sometimes he's already ready, when Javi knocks on his hotel room door. It's easier, and a turn-on to know Yuzu was thinking of him, but tonight he wants to take Yuzu there, feel him give way beneath his hands. Javi wants to feel everything.

He finds the lube, and Yuzu puts a hand on his shoulder, pushing him down.

Javi remembers this, just days ago. His mouth on Yuzu and his fingers inside, and all the furious strain of Yuzu’s body, holding out. The thrill of being granted Yuzu’s trust and control, and the ache that it had to be that way, a struggle against each other instead of sweet and easy like it used to be.

But maybe the struggle pushed Javi, too. He didn’t come that night, and he hasn’t touched himself since. It’s kept him on a knife edge of tension, something he reached for on the ice, balanced and calm and sharp. They’ve always learned from each other.

Tonight he doesn’t take Yuzu in his mouth. Javi watches him instead, cheek resting against his thigh, fingers moving slow and steady inside. Yuzu caresses Javi’s hair, and when Javi turns to kiss his hip he moans, lifting up into Javi’s hand. This feels like a pause, a drawn breath before the crashing wave of passion Javi’s been imagining ever since Yuzu told him, _I try until Nationals. Maybe longer._ He knew then that Yuzu would take this all the way; even when he's his only rival, Yuzu puts his whole self into everything. 

That’s what Javi wants from him tonight, Yuzu’s whole self. But for now there’s only this, soft light and soft sighs, Yuzu’s fingers moving in his hair as he lets Javi touch him, lets him in.

Javi lifts his head, looking up. “Are you ready?” he asks. “Is this enough?”

Yuzu smiles at him. “Always. And never.”

He reaches for Javi, pulling him up into a kiss as Javi moves between his legs. They gasp into each other's mouths, the mood suddenly snapped tight again now that they’re here. Javi gets up onto his knees and shifts his hips, trying twice before getting it right, and they both groan when he finally pushes in, slick and tight and slow.

“Oh,” Yuzu says, letting his head fall back. “Oh, that’s good.”

“Mm,” Javi says, smiling, and kisses Yuzu’s throat. He’s breathing hard already, his body full of tingling arousal at what’s ahead, but he’s trying to hold it together, get Yuzu there first. He rocks his hips shallow, working Yuzu the way he likes it, and lifts his hand to flick his thumb over the nub of a nipple.

Yuzu hisses, his hands tight on Javi’s head. “Fuck.”

“I like this,” Javi says. He puts his hand back on the bed, rocking in harder, really thrusting now. “Getting to make you feel good.”

Yuzu tilts his chin down, meeting Javi’s gaze. “You always make me feel good. I just…” He trails off, dark eyes hazy as he looks for the words, biting his lip.

“You didn’t let me,” Javi says softly. “But tonight you will.”

“Yes,” Yuzu says, and that’s all he says for a long while.

Javi fucks him, and Yuzu says, _yes, yes_ , emphatic and demanding, breath catching over the words as he urges Javi on. It doesn’t stay slow for long, even as tired as they are, and Javi feels like this is a different kind of performance, trying to make it good for Yuzu, reaching the fiery release he’s longing to give him.

The bed creaks as Javi moves, and Yuzu groans soft and high every time, hands restless over Javi’s back, clutching his neck. Javi feels so _much_ , his body sore but yearning, his heart full. They watch each other at first, wide-eyed and panting, and then Yuzu squeezes his eyes shut, reaching up to grip the headboard above him, fingers digging into Javi’s shoulder as he goes down deeper.

“You feel so good, baby,” Javi gasps, and groans as he pushes in hard. “Fuck, I — tell me it’s good, Yuzu.”

“Yes,” Yuzu breathes, rocking up to meet Javi’s hips. 

“Are you close?” Javi asks. He leans down to scrape his teeth over Yuzu’s neck with a wet kiss, murmuring against his skin. “Are you gonna come? For me, corazón?”

He picks up the pace, making short quick thrusts, trying to get Yuzu over the last horizon. It’s been a long day — a long year — and he’s so tired but all he wants is this, for them to give it to each other.

Yuzu breathes hard, gasping, and finally lifts his head, pressing his face to Javi’s shoulder. “I can’t, I _can’t_ like this,” he moans. “Javi, I’m sorry…”

“Shh, no,” Javi says, stopping. “It’s all right, of course it’s all right.” His pulse is throbbing urgently but he feels a sick moment of guilt, for pushing Yuzi. He's just as tired and probably ten times as worked up, and Javi should’ve known this wouldn’t be so easy. 

He brings his hand up to Yuzu’s cheek, thumb stroking, and kisses his forehead. “Let me try it another way.”

Javi shifts back, pulling out, and lies down next to Yuzu, moving him over onto his side. Yuzu goes easily, sighing as he draws his knees up, and Javi takes himself in hand and slips back inside, making a low noise of satisfaction when he fits their bodies together. 

Yuzu reaches for Javi’s hand, pulling it across his own body, tucking Javi’s arm around himself. “Yeah, better,” he says. “Go slow?”

“Just tell me what you want,” Javi says, brushing his nose against Yuzu’s silky hair. He makes circles on Yuzu’s stomach with his fingertips, moving lower.

“I want you — show me how good you are,” Yuzu says, his breath hitching, and there’s a note of challenge in his voice. Javi’s hand reaches his cock, rising up harder at the touch, and Yuzu sighs, resting back against him. “Take care of me,” Yuzu says, softer than before.

Javi knows how much Yuzu’s asking, and how much he’s giving, more than he ever has. “I will,” he murmurs, his heart so full he can hardly bear it.

It was good before, but this is better, rocking his hips gently as he strokes Yuzu, hearing his breathy moans and feeling the hot tension building in him when he mouths along his shoulder. It’s like something Javi is building with his body and his hands; like he's making this joyful glow, strong and lovely and encompassing them both. 

He gets up on one elbow and Yuzu twists back, resting his hand on Javi’s face to pull him closer. Javi leans in and kisses him, soft and sweet, before drawing back just enough to let their lips brush together, breath shared between them. Yuzu whimpers against his mouth, and Javi can feel it catching, the spark alighting, Yuzu tensing up as Javi keeps a steady pace.

“Oh,” Yuzu sighs, his palm pressed tight against Javi’s cheek, sweat breaking out between them. “Javi, _Javi_. It’s — ” He breaks off, cursing in Japanese, and Javi feels him shifting, knee digging into the bed as his back arches. 

“I’m here,” Javi whispers, hardly knowing what he’s saying. Their lips touch as he whispers again. “Let go, let it happen. For me, Yuzu.”

He tightens his grip, the way he knows Yuzu likes it at the end, and Yuzu cries out against his mouth, growing louder as powerful shudders go through him, pulsing hot and wet over Javi’s hand. They’re kissing now, desperate and breathless, the blood thudding in Javi’s ears, and Yuzu doesn’t pull away or make him stop, just gasps his name over and over — taking, giving, present. Javi forgets the need in his own body, anything but having this, being here together.

“ _Enough_ , please,” Yuzu says at last, hoarsely, and Javi stops, collapsing back onto his side. They're both panting hard, still wrapped around each other, and Javi feels lost and dizzy, holding tight to Yuzu like something huge just happened. Yuzu letting Javi give this to him, trusting him, and the satisfied joy of doing it right. He has to think whether he finished himself, because being with Yuzu through that almost felt like it. 

But he didn't, and after a while Yuzu stirs against him, reaching back to take hold of his hip. Yuzu rolls over onto his stomach, pulling Javi with him, and turns his head on the pillow as Javi moves between his spread legs. He's smiling, flushed and exhausted, and Javi leans in to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Beautiful,” he breathes, and then gets up to move.

He can feel how sensitive Yuzu is, shuddering beneath him, and he rocks in as shallow and slow as he can stand. He's breathing hard, aching for it, but he keeps himself under control until Yuzu finally murmurs, “ _Javi_ , come on.” Javi snaps his hips harder then, taking what he needs, and when he comes it’s like a wave sweeping over him, an overwhelming sensation that leaves him feeling washed clean, gasping for air with his forehead resting damply against Yuzu’s shoulder. 

After a while he leans up to kiss Yuzu’s face again, his closed eyes, and finds it’s damp there too. “Amor,” he says, gently.

Yuzu doesn't say anything, just shakes his head and arches up, pressing their bodies together. Javi reaches and finds his hand, grasping it, and then the tears come for him, too, as they breathe shaky and deep. This is theirs, here in the dim light, alone together.

It comes to him, lying there, that they're through with struggling against each other at last. On the ice, and in bed, the delicate balance of rivalry and love is finished. He doesn't know how the rest of their lives will be, but everything feels clear ahead of them now, fresh and open. In a way Yuzu’s going on without him, but in another they're finally standing on the same step: sharing space, sharing a life. It's almost too much to think of now, and Javi closes his eyes and just loses himself in the moment, this feeling.

“Te quiero,” he murmurs, kissing Yuzu’s shoulder. Yuzu squeezes his hand and lifts up, pressing his temple against Javi’s for a moment before dropping back. He's still silent, but as always Javi feels the words, if he listens for them.

Javi sits up then, groaning, aware of just how sore and exhausted every muscle in his body is. He wants a shower, and he probably shouldn't sleep here, but it feels so good to throw himself over on his back, flinging out his arms and legs. They have the same spartan dorm room but Yuzu’s made this one his own, with a foam cushion on top of the stiff mattress and his clutter everywhere. Javi doesn't even know what half of it is, but Yuzu seems to need it and it seems to work.

Yuzu stirs beside him, rolling over to put his head on Javi’s shoulder, hand resting over Javi's heart. Javi pulls him in, gratefully. He strokes over Javi’s bare chest, moving down, and tired as he is Javi thinks about staying a while longer; there's a lot more he'd like to do tonight.

He feels the soft puff of Yuzu’s breath against him, a ghost of a laugh. “We did it.” 

It's what Yuzu said when he first arrived, kissing giddily against the door, but it feels like it means so much more now. Not just a single night, or a competition, but the work of years, building to this place. Javi folds his hand over Yuzu’s. “Yeah,” he says.

Now Yuzu tilts up, his mouth near Javi’s ear. “Thank you,” he says, softly. “For…” He pauses, humming in thought. “Everything, I think. I tell you, I can't do without you. My career, this season. Everything.”

Javi feels a lurch of uneasy recoil, seeing their lives like that, with Yuzu’s gold medal the resolution of all their push-pull rivalry, the challenging depth of their love. But that's Yuzu’s story, and Javi knows he can't tell his own without Yuzu. He gives off light and warmth, beautiful easy emotion turning sharply between laughter and tears, and from the start Javi’s always been inside the circle of it. Even now, Yuzu’s swept him along in this strange, demanding endeavor, giving Javi the gift of his vulnerable self.

“Thank you, too,” Javi says, thickly, and squeezes Yuzu’s hand. For needing me, he thinks. “For everything,” he says.

He feels Yuzu smile. “I love you so much,” Yuzu says, easily, as though he says it every day. And, Javi thinks, as he leans in to kiss him again, in a way maybe he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Further thanks to Yuzu for providing me with actual audio of him moaning “I can’t, I _can’t_ ”, which was part of my concept for this chapter all along. :D
> 
> http://sophia-helix.tumblr.com/post/171000205668/tsukihoshi14-our-medalists-touching-moment
> 
> ***
> 
> Please note, I will be re-locking all my skating RPF at the end of tomorrow, so it will only be available with an AO3 account or by request.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: sophia-helix


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